A man dies and finds himself at the Gates of Hell. Obviously, he is distraught to not find himself in Heaven, but he also knows his life on Earth wasn't exactly Heaven-worthy. Looking very glum, he approaches the devil.
"Why do you look so upset?" The devil asks.
"Why am I upset?! I died and went to Hell! What reason could I have for being happy?!"
The devil replies, "Oh come on! You might actually like it here! It's not so bad. Don't you like drinking?"
Somberly, the man replies, "Yes, I do."
"Well then you are going to love Mondays!" The devil says. "It's all-you-can-drink! Drink til you can't drink anymore, then drink some more!"
"Yeah?" The man is taken aback.
"Oh yeah! Hey, don't you like smoking?!"
To which the man replies, "Well yeah. I do love to smoke!"
"Then you're going to love Tuesdays!" exclaims Satan. "Tuesdays are all you can smoke! All day long, just keep on smoking! Hey, do you do drugs?"
"Well," replied the man, "I did experiment with some in my lifetime."
The devil, smiling, says, "Then you're going to love Wednesdays! All the drugs you could possibly imagine! All day long! Say, do you like to swear??"
"Wow!" The man, totally bewildered, says, "Yes! I swear all the time!"
"My friend, you are going to LOVE Thursdays! We curse All Day Long!"
The man is absolutely thrilled.
"Say," the devil goes, "are you gay?"
"No, actually," replies the man.
"Oh," the devil responds. "Then you're going to hate Fridays".